i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
