Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
