Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
