im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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