The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So vagazzling was a success
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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