remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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