I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize