Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
