Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
