Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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