My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
