Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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