Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
