Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
