is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
