I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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