You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
