i wish there were pregnant emoticons
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
