I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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