Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
