I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
