the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
