ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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