Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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