Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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