After last night, I could never be a politician.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
