Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
