He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
