Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
