Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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