i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
