and you said cock pushups were impossible
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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