You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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