Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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