The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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