"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
