he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
