i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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