last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When are your genitals available?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
