Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
