Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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