Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
