Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize