I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
