I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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