I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
