i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
