your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
