Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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