The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
