While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize