Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
