i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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