He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am available for nakedness
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
