I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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