The maid of honor just puked.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
