I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
