Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
