No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
