We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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