this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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