1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
