Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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