literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
