so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
