SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
