I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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