the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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