a queef is a wish your heart makes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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