You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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