SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
