I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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