if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
