Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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