Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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