A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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