I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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