Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
