So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
