You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
