things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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